Sunday, February 06, 2005
A brilliant movie that kept me rivetted for the entire two hours and its called Hotel Rwanda. To be honest, I can't really say if it was based closely to what really happened, but whether it did or not, it really doesn't matter. That's because the entire movie was so well done. The storyline was good and the shots were wow. Technical aspects wise, it's not too bad too. The images were very strong with the emphasis placed on the right subject at the right time. It was really worth the wait.
God gave us memories so that we might have roses in December
Got this quote stuck in my head. It's by James M. Barrie. I vaguely remember its from a movie but I can't remember which show its from.
he spoke at 10:09 pm
Saturday, February 05, 2005
I really don't know how to describe 2004. The entire year was filled with moments of highs and lows. The most dramatic part of the year would have to be the last three months. I really don't know how to put into words how I really felt. Would probably mark it has one of the happiest moments and definitely the most painful moment to date. I know that I shouldn't be dwelling on the past but it is easier said than done. I still think of that moment almost daily and the truth is that it still hurts. Will not give any excuses of the way I've been this sem, I know that I'm not my usual self but I'm trying my best to be as normal as I can be.
Am unsure of what kind of person I've been of late. I don't feel the same. I get very easily frustrated. I wonder is it a sign of me cracking. I really don't know. Man, really in need of a long drive. It's amazing how soothing that is. I realised that I've been more dependent lately of something to help me take my mind of other things. It's probably my way of escaping from reality. Maybe it's not so serious. I realised that I've been confiding in people more often than I usually do. In fact, this post is sort of new cos I rarely post my emotions on my blog. I don't know why too. Be it friends, food, ice cream, movies, sports, long walks, they have been my way of escaping and not so much of my blog. I'm really thankful for all those especially my friends who have tolerated me especially this sem. You guys don't know how much you guys mean to me. Had it not been for you guys, I would have probably gone awol or something.
Sometimes I really just want to spend a moment with the people I'm close to and just let them know how I'm feeling. Wait, it should be more like just one person cos confiding to too many people at a go makes it seem like talking to a panel. Imagine, many pairs of eyes looking at you and many pairs of ears listening to you. And no, its not a confrontation with anyone, just a confiding session. Sheesh, somehow I just can't phrase that right. Whatever...
I got to apologise to my bros for not being able to spend more time with them. Those guys are the best, I really miss the mahjong sessions and soccer games. It's damn sad that I can hardly find the time to meet with them. When they are free, I'm not and vice versa. I come to realise that most of the times I'm out these days are rarely planned.
This thought has been springing up in my head of late. Have I always been so giving that I've long forgotten how it is like to be given? I sometimes feel that I've been taken for granted. People have asked me time and again on why I keep giving in. I guess it's because I don't see the need to object. Weird as it sounds, but its true. If by giving in I can make a person happier than why not? Yea, weird logic I know, but that's how I feel. But because of that, people do take advantage of me. Do I get pissed? Yes I do get pissed. Than why do I not voice it out? That I really don't know. Call me a coward or whatever, I'll try not to let it bother me. If a violent objection can make two people happier, than I guess I will do so. I don't know, maybe I'm just getting senile.
Am I making any sense? I don't know. To a certain extend, my mind is just in a wreck now. It's filled with questions that I can't find the answers to. There are also so many things I want to say but I really can't find the right words to put them through. Why do I than not show it so obviously on the surface? Why spoil the mood of others with a sullen face. Than why ramble here? Why just complain and complain here? Guess its my avenue of letting my thoughts flow. The truth is that I have a bit of regrets at this point on whether to post this. I don't know. Heck, I think I'll just post it.
Whatever. I don't know anymore and am too tired to think. I think I should be able to sort out this phase that I'm going through. I've been through it before. Though not as tough, but if I can sort those thoughts out before, I should be able to do so again. Maybe I should just look deep inside myself for the answers.
Is this post making any sense at all? I don't know too. All I know is that I need to let it out some way or another. Sorry. It hurts and its getting very heavy. I need to let it all out. Sorry to you all and also a hear felt thanks to you all.
he spoke at 1:00 am