Saturday, February 21, 2004
Been really not myself in the past few weeks, really do not know what is wrong with me. Nothing seems to be going right for me and I really want to know why. How much I felt I've changed also really freaks me out at times. So I really want to apologise to the people whom I've offended in some way or another. Glad to have a good talk with Grace last night, it had been a while since last really sat down and talk with her. Sometimes sanity really comes from the people who know you better.
Very glad that this week is coming to an end. Had been very much a nightmare week for me. Thw whole week was just a freaking emotional roller coaster; regrets, disappointments, happiness, sadness, rejuvenation, tiredness, stress, relief all in a short span of five days and they came almost all at the same time. Been also trying to reflect but just cannot seem to find the strength and determination. Been worrying so much about things that I cannot seem to function properly at times.
The upside or maybe downside is that I know that this person does indeed exist. Yea, not sure how many of you know but I've onlu known and spoke to this person for only maximum three hours but that three hours will I guess never been forgotten. This person really made me believe that you can actually live off your dreams and still succeed. This person also made me believe in dreams and serendipity. Will never forget the words said when the person was leaving. Really felt that it was all part of a very beautiful dream and that God was just answering me questions. The moment that we met and left was just so out of this world. Something right out of a show if you are to ask me. Well, realised that the person does exist when I was in army but no one seems to know the person until like last week when I asked Carrie. She said that she does not know the persoanlly but her friend does. Why happiness? Well cos the person exist. Sadness? Same reason. It's not a dream. Haha, yea, childish thought but if you were in my shoes, you really wonder is that person was an angel sent. Yes, it maybe hocus pocus and fantasy but that's how it really felt. How many times have we seen or read about people walking into your life for just that moment, just a tiny slice in your life but make such a great impact; well that person did just that. Do I ever want to meet that person again? Yes and no. Yes, simply to sort of keep that "promise" but no just to continue living in this tiny "fantasy". Yup, to find sanity within the insanity.
Saw the trailer of "Passion". Must say that just by that couple of minutes, I've been very impressed. Really don't know what to say but yea, it had in a way touched me.
Footprints
One night I dreamed I was walking
Along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that
During the low periods of my life when I was
Suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
So I said to the Lord, "You promised me,
Lord, that if I followed You,
You would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods
Of my life there have only been
One set of prints in the sand.
Why, When I have needed You most,
You have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
Is when I carried you."
he spoke at 12:40 pm
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Sometimes you really wonder if this world is really so full of hatred and fear. Will probably never forget that Southpark scene in Bowling for Columbine. It showed the fear that supposedly Americans had all the long in their blood. The moment Christopher Columbia set foot in America that is. It also showed their "desire" for violence. They killed the native Indians, the American civil war, slavery etc. But I personally feel that its not only the Yanks who have this build in fear. All human beings have this fear.
Anyone who is at the top will definitely not rest on their laurels and allow anyone to "dethrone" them. Anyone who really wants to succeed will not stop in order to achieve that goal. Some resort to violence, some resort to underhand tactics and some resort other methods. Few people can really stand up and say that they are ok with other people sharing the "limelight" with them. So in that sense, we can't really blame the Americans for trying to "silence" the entire world and make them "worship" them. Look at WWII, the Germans and Japs were not that "far off" in that idea. They wanted to dominate Europe and Asia respectively.
Let's take a look at modern day now. Do we still see it happen? Yea, we still do see that ugly side of human. How often do we see other people, people who are at the "top" bad mouth their way up there and continue to do so in orer to stay there? It's an act that happens almost everywhere there is humans. Why are we all so paranoid and fearful of losing out? Look at the EPL and you'll see how despo some people are to seemingly be better.
How about now? Mad cow disease, we kill all the cows. Bird flu, we kill all the birds. Why must we always resort to violence to calm us down? People killing others, we wipe out a regime. In our fear, we are actually destorying so many others. On one hand, we claim that our medical science has advanced so much over the past century. We claim that we are all so civilised. But when a virus strikes us, we use that modern technology to execute that old solution and that is too kill. We build better weapons claiming to bring peace, but what these weapons do is to kill more people. Isn't it ironic that we need better and more seadly weapons to bring peace? Wouldn't there be peace if we destoryed all weapons? But than if we do, we'll just use our own bare hands to kill wouldn't we? "Time destroys all things" maybe it should be "humans destroy all things". We lament about how other fore fathers caused the extinction of so many animals when we ourselves are still doing just that.
Almost everyday, wait its everyday that we see at least one soldier or person being killed in Iraq. It makes you wonder what it takes to have peace in this world. Fine, maybe US should not had invaded Iraq int he first place but isn't it ironic that it is the soldiers who pay for the government's apparent mistake? The price that the government has to pay is probably losing in the next election. How can people just kill without battering an eyelid? Along with each life, there are so many more who depend on it. Each time a soldier or civilian is killed, at least 100 other people cry. At least 100 other people will have part of them gone too. Hopes and dreams of so many will just vanish each time the blast is felt.
Why are there also so much computer viruses in this world? Are people just so free and want to do nothing but cause distress to others? A whole bunch of fuckers!
Ok, this entry doesn't make sense. But hey, the world doesn't make much sense too right?
he spoke at 9:35 pm
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
They all say that Tim Burton is a weird director but you should go watch Big Fish and you will come out thanking him for bringing you away from reality for the duration of the show. The show was just so out of this world that you will fall head over heels in love with the show. The ending is just so fitting and in line with the whole show. Every part of it just falls into place! So erm... out of this world. You all should just go catch it. I give it 7 out of 5. Why 7? Simply because of the song during the credit. Any movie with Pearl Jam/ Eddie Vedder in it will be automatically given an extre 3 out of 5. Must say that the song had this soothing effect that is so...
he spoke at 10:18 pm
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Have you ever done something that you just wished you did not do?
Have you ever wished that it was just a nightmare and just want to pinch and wake yourself up?
Have you ever promised yourself that you will not do something but end up breaking that promise that you held so dear to you?
Have you ever broken that promise and wondered why you did it?
Have you ever felt that what you had done is probably the one thing that you'll regret doing maybe for the rest of your life and still do it?
Have you ever wonder why a moment of folly will cause you so much regret?
Have you ever known how much the odds are against you but still took that gamble?
Have you ever lie on your bed and just keep thinking the entire night?
Have you ever wanted to so badly go back in time just to undo an error?
Have you ever felt that you are the greatest scumb in this world?
Have you ever wondered if you can be forgiven when you can't forgive yourself?
have you ever took so long to build something only to wreck it?
Have you felt glad for the next five minutes and regret for the next five hours?
Have you ever regreted more than five hours and feel that you'll regret for 50 years?
Have you ever thought you are rational but is actually so foolish?
Have you ever so wanted to apologise but just do not know where to start?
Have you ever wondered why you are so foolish?
Have you ever gambled knowing that you can't win?
Have you ever felt that by saying out loud will actually make matters worse?
Have you ever known that by saying ut loud will probably do more harm but still do it because you are at your wits end?
Have you ever not taken something off your mind because of how much it meant to you?
Have you ever not been able to sleep because of your guilt?
Have you ever been remorseful for days?
Have you ever been afraid to sleep because you feared your dreams?
Have you ever tried to "wake up" from reality because it hurts?
Have you ever hurt so badly that wished it never happened?
Have you ever known that it is easier to forgive others than yourself?
Have you ever wondered why you are probably the greatest jerk of all times?
Have you ever been so stressed?
Have you ever wonder why you are always looking for all that trouble?
Have you ever wondered why you just broke another promise you made to yourself?
Have you ever wondered why you can dispense advice to others but can't advice yourself for nuts?
Have you ever wondered why you've got so many questions but just cannot find the answers?
Have you ever known that no amount of sorrys will ever make up for the mess you have created?
he spoke at 11:42 pm
Monday, February 16, 2004
Had a rather enjoyable weekend, though it had no doubt been a tiring one. Playe mahjong on Fri than went Dbl O on Sat. Yes, I've broken my resolution but hey, I've only managed to keep to one in recent times.
Just came back not too long ago after watching Along Came Polly. Not too bad a show but as Jo said, it's abit too predictable. But if you are just going there for laughs, than Along Came Polly is the show!
Juve 1 Regianna 0. Is that that the kind of response Lippi can give? I surely hope not. Six points is not the smallest of gaps to cover especially when you got Champions League commitments.
Rambo maybe a no brainer show but it sure has some good quotes. Like this one quite a bit. Feels it still applies even till today.
Trautman: John where are you going?
Rambo: I don't know.
Trautman: You get a second medal of honor for this.
Rambo looks over at the rescued POWs
Rambo: You should give it to them. They deserve it more.
Trautman: You don't belong here why don't you come back with me?
Rambo: Back to what? My friends died here, let me die here.
Trautman: The war, the whole conflict may have been wrong but damn it don't hate your country for it.
Rambo: Hate? I'd die for it.
Trautman: Then what is it you want?
Rambo: I want, what they want, and every other guy who came over here and spilled his guts and gave everything he had, wants! For our country to love us as much as we love it! That's what I want!
Trautman: How will you live, John?
Rambo: Day by day.
he spoke at 10:33 pm